Quiet Color

by chris carpenter

Alright.  Somebody has to talk about this.  I’m down.  If you happen to live in or around New York City, there’s an unavoidable force majeure with every passing car.  “IN NEWW YOOoooorkkkk.”  The frequency hits you full blast as the car is by your side, and drowns out as it zooms by.  You think you’re safe until you reach the end of the block and the bar on the corner is in full symposium, “These streets will make you feel brand new, the lights will inspire you. Let’s hear it for New York!”  I live in New York, I love New York, but this song is making me want to relocate to somewhere R&B hasn’t been invented yet.  This ubiquitous ditty has swooned the city and garnered a massive army of devotees that could rival New Moon’s fervor.

Artist: Snoop feat. (lo-fi) Alicia Keys Song: Empire State of Mind (remix)

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First of all, Jay-Z is undoubtedly the greatest rapper of all time not named Biggy Smalls.  He’s a brilliant wordsman, entrepreneur and King of New York.  That being said, his latest single “Empire State of Mind” (featuring the talented Alicia Keys) off The Blueprint 3 has taken a spell over the aforementioned city.  If I were to review the track I would say that it consists of equal parts simple R&B beat, catchy sing along hook, and Jay’s uncomplicated play-by-play of New York City.  It is by far one of the most surface rhymes from a rapper who ordinarily has much more depth to what he is spitting.  It is classified as a “Hip Hop” track, but I keep referring it to R&B out of respect for Hip Hop.  The hook is absolute soul and the beat is a funk/pop hybrid, which is basically the definition of “R&B.”  If you disagree consult my friend Wikipedia.

To go all conspiracy theorist on you, I’m convinced the song has some subliminal message that is brainwashing all of us.  Surpassing the normal limits of the mind’s understanding of a pop song, “Empire State of Mind” has hypnotized New York and it’s freaking me the fuck out.  New York’s subconscious is clinging to this track while the conscious bops along to the truncated beat and sentimental melody.  Perhaps it’s because it’s something that a myriad of folks from different races, religions, and political affiliations can rejoice in as it’s focused on the one thing they have in common: the city they know and love.

I also contend that the tune infused the New York Baseball Yankees to win the World Series.  After The Blueprint 3 dropped on September 11^th, the Yankees sported a winning record (12-9), which included a sweep of their arch nemesis the Boston Red Sox.  Bouncing along with Jay, they coasted through the playoffs.  For Game 1 of the World Series Jay-Z and Alicia Keys were supposed to perform the song live immediately before the start of the game.  The performance was canceled due to rain, and the Yankees lost the game in a paltry 6-1 smackdown.  However, the following day Jay and Alicia performed as scheduled before Game 2, revved up New York, and the Yankees went on to win 3-1.  The momentum spun thereafter and, despite Chase Utley’s heroics, the Yankees sealed the deal.  Without Jay’s inspiring anthem, who knows what would have happened?  The Yankees would probably still be blasting Frank Sinatra, A-rod would probably still be not be blasting anything, and the sterile franchise wouldn’t be holding up any trophies.

You can look me in the eyes and say, “Chris, that is a ridiculous hypothetical. The way they play the game has nothing to do with a pop song.”  And to that I say to you, in 1903 the Boston Americans started playing the song “Tessie” from the Broadway musical The Silver Slippers, and went on to win the first World Series.  A century later in 2004, after many heartbreaking losses, The Dropkick Murphys recorded an updated version of the song and the plagued Boston Red Sox rode the anthem to their first World Series in 86 years.  All I’m saying is, the Yankees should throw Jay a ring.

This anthem brainwashed A-rod out of his choking habits, and has the county of Kings wrapped around its finger.  I’m growing paranoid.  With every car that passes me by, I live in fear of Alicia Keys screaming down my throat.  Every bar I enter, I stay close to the exit in the case that the song starts to play and I can’t hold back the feeling of nausea it elicits in me.  I don’t know if this is going on elsewhere around the world.  But if it is, contact your local authorities immediately.  Swine flu may not be our most feared epidemic at the moment.  Stay alert, and have a safe day.